Ok, I am just feeling down today. I don't know if it is the gloomy weather, the spike in gas prices when I only have 7 miles to go on my current tank, I overslept and was late for work, the pain in my heel from wearing cheap poorly fitting shoes yesterday, the fact that I am alone, the fact that I am alone because I'm overweight, last night when my toilet broke (again, but I don't think I can fix it this time). . .
After dinner last night, after breakfast this morning, I just kept feeling hungry and empty. Even after feeling too full to finish my dinner. I'm pretty sure that this means the feeling is an emotional emptiness. And it certainly does not support my weightloss goals to eat all day long. At least I left the brownies at home. And will remind myself that eating out costs too much money.
Just feels like everything is sub-par. I don't know how to plan anything, save for anything, clean anything. So I have a fuzzy television, a broken dvd player, and a messy apartment. And no plans to look forward to.
EDITED TO ADD: When I spoke to the Property Manager, she did not act like she knew me at all. And I just had my oven fixed a week ago! One week and not the slightest reference to the fact that we had spoken extensively about another broken thing in my apt. I think I'll continue this experiment and call her about the refrigerator next week. It's been making stranger noises than usual. Maybe she'll remember me.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Missing . . .
Our relationship was short but intense - a few weeks but we spoke every day and spent so many nights together. It felt like at least a 3 month long relationship - and I was falling deeply in love.
The break up was 2 hours before I was going to introduce him to my family.
While part of me can look back and see that there are a lot of aspects of his character that I would not have wanted long term, I still look back and feel the pain of not knowing him anymore. It has been a week since we broke up, I cried, adjusted my eye make-up and went out with my family, and I'm doing my best to put the relationship in perspective. But, little things remind me of him. We had inside jokes, and opinions on everything under the sun. And I want to tell him about my week, and I want to lean into that nook where his shoulder meets his chest and watch tv together, and I want him back and I know that going backwards is not where I will find happiness.
He was enough goodness to miss. But the relationship was short enough to know that most of the emotion was on my side. I have to hope that I will find all of his good qualities in someone else - with fewer of the bad sides of his personality.
I have to hope that I will be able to move on.
I have to hope that . . . . I will have someone to hold me and stroke my hair and start a family with and put up with my intellectualisms and love me back.
The break up was 2 hours before I was going to introduce him to my family.
While part of me can look back and see that there are a lot of aspects of his character that I would not have wanted long term, I still look back and feel the pain of not knowing him anymore. It has been a week since we broke up, I cried, adjusted my eye make-up and went out with my family, and I'm doing my best to put the relationship in perspective. But, little things remind me of him. We had inside jokes, and opinions on everything under the sun. And I want to tell him about my week, and I want to lean into that nook where his shoulder meets his chest and watch tv together, and I want him back and I know that going backwards is not where I will find happiness.
He was enough goodness to miss. But the relationship was short enough to know that most of the emotion was on my side. I have to hope that I will find all of his good qualities in someone else - with fewer of the bad sides of his personality.
I have to hope that I will be able to move on.
I have to hope that . . . . I will have someone to hold me and stroke my hair and start a family with and put up with my intellectualisms and love me back.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Love-ing
Not everything on here has to be about money and negativity, right?
I am loving my new-found method of using eye shadow and a skinny brush as eye liner. I know that this is a method that has been around for a while, but I finally got into it! I love the dark eye shadow line I can put on with my new thin and angled brush thingy - yay for fun christmas presents! and the instruction cards that come with them! I'm so excited to define my eyes without having to tug on them the way traditional eye liner makes me.
Also, we are having a goooorgeous break in the weather which means it is safe to once again walk around in heels. My winter wardrobe was jeans, boots, and warm layers on top. Now, I do work in an office (albeit a pretty casual one) so I felt underdressed compared to the deep cherry desk and framed art on the wall! It is amazing how simply wearing heels makes me feel prettier and classier.
And necklaces! I've been having more fun accessorizing, and am making sure I either wear a bold necklace, heels, or a fun scarf as often as possible.
I am loving my new-found method of using eye shadow and a skinny brush as eye liner. I know that this is a method that has been around for a while, but I finally got into it! I love the dark eye shadow line I can put on with my new thin and angled brush thingy - yay for fun christmas presents! and the instruction cards that come with them! I'm so excited to define my eyes without having to tug on them the way traditional eye liner makes me.
Also, we are having a goooorgeous break in the weather which means it is safe to once again walk around in heels. My winter wardrobe was jeans, boots, and warm layers on top. Now, I do work in an office (albeit a pretty casual one) so I felt underdressed compared to the deep cherry desk and framed art on the wall! It is amazing how simply wearing heels makes me feel prettier and classier.
And necklaces! I've been having more fun accessorizing, and am making sure I either wear a bold necklace, heels, or a fun scarf as often as possible.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Finally, a live one!
So, I have been struggling with the student loans. I have one autopaid every month and one that I pay by phone every month, which I've kept up with fairly well. Then! Right about when I tried "consolidating" a new mystery loan shows up, sometime around this summer.
Well! With all of the scammers out there, I did not believe this loan company was legitimate. I did my due process by calling the numbers listed, googling the company name and "fraud," and even going to the website of the company directly (even though I immediately scanned my computer for viruses and spyware afterwards).
The phone numbers led to automated dead ends. In order to find out ANY information, they first require my social security number! But so does that African prince that wants to give me a million dollars! I press 0 even though it isn't an option - repeat "operator" "representative" and any other customer service buzzwords that I can to try and find a real person!
Luckily, my expensive education leads to me finding the student loan clearinghouse - one of my federal loans was sold to this unfriendly, mysterious loan servicing company. Direct Loans, a heads up on your end would have been nice! Unfortunately, I never had the 250ish bucks to pay this loan back regularly. I would scrape together $500 every other month or so, send in late payments, all kinds of things that get reported to the credit bureau. With Christmas and a bad set of earnings for November (paid vacation turned into unpaid vacation that I wasn't notified about until after I took the personal time), I was like 700ish behind. THIS brought about a phone call from a real person!
I essentially told the man on the phone that I was poor, that I had submitted the paperwork for a forebearance, and I did not have any money, and infact my adjusted gross income for 2009 was NEGATIVE!! Yes, that's right, because of tuition payments, the government says I made -355 dollars in one year.
This 15min conversation with a real, live person has resulted in my 250ish monthly payment being adjusted down to income-contingient, and more realistic $25/month payment!
Success! I will be able to autopay that, your company will get payments each month, and my credit score should recover! Now, why oh why didn't I have the option to speak to someone back in July?
Well! With all of the scammers out there, I did not believe this loan company was legitimate. I did my due process by calling the numbers listed, googling the company name and "fraud," and even going to the website of the company directly (even though I immediately scanned my computer for viruses and spyware afterwards).
The phone numbers led to automated dead ends. In order to find out ANY information, they first require my social security number! But so does that African prince that wants to give me a million dollars! I press 0 even though it isn't an option - repeat "operator" "representative" and any other customer service buzzwords that I can to try and find a real person!
Luckily, my expensive education leads to me finding the student loan clearinghouse - one of my federal loans was sold to this unfriendly, mysterious loan servicing company. Direct Loans, a heads up on your end would have been nice! Unfortunately, I never had the 250ish bucks to pay this loan back regularly. I would scrape together $500 every other month or so, send in late payments, all kinds of things that get reported to the credit bureau. With Christmas and a bad set of earnings for November (paid vacation turned into unpaid vacation that I wasn't notified about until after I took the personal time), I was like 700ish behind. THIS brought about a phone call from a real person!
I essentially told the man on the phone that I was poor, that I had submitted the paperwork for a forebearance, and I did not have any money, and infact my adjusted gross income for 2009 was NEGATIVE!! Yes, that's right, because of tuition payments, the government says I made -355 dollars in one year.
This 15min conversation with a real, live person has resulted in my 250ish monthly payment being adjusted down to income-contingient, and more realistic $25/month payment!
Success! I will be able to autopay that, your company will get payments each month, and my credit score should recover! Now, why oh why didn't I have the option to speak to someone back in July?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)