Crazy Girl

This post is being written while I listen to "Crazy Girl" by the Eli Young Band.  (Click the post title for a link to the video)

Every once in a while (let's call it once a moon), I definitely find myself crazy.  I'm angsty and worried.  I can't stop thinking about things that I can't control.  In particular, I'm worried about the feelings my significant other has for me.  I know, objectively, that he enjoys spending time with me and cares for me deeply.  I see evidence of this fact in our daily phone calls, our weekend adventures.

The problem is, he isn't emotionally expressive.  We've talked about our relationship a few times; I've seen him struggle putting his feelings into words.  So I understand that I'm going to have to trust that he cares for me if he doesn't outright say it.  But what I wouldn't I give for him to say the lyrics of "Crazy Girl?" 

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

I mean, obviously, I would analyze the diminutives that the band uses when referring to the "girl" or "silly woman."  But I can relate to both wanting an outright expression of love, and realizing that my sig. other's actions show that he cares about me like crazy.

But today, I'm just worried.  Does he like me enough?  Am I a priority in his life?  Where do I fit into his future?  I've had guys talk about the future gratuitously, and I've received a few meaningless drunk "I love yous."  And those relationships have all ended.  So I know that words can be used without meaning.  And his actions certainly say what other guys' words have not.

Yet, today, my mind refuses to calm.  And I know I have to be careful and not act completely crazy.  But this is definitely the phase of the moon where I have less control over my feelings.  I could use an outright declaration, a statement of devotion, a reassurance in words which can hold stronger in my mind than memories of reaching for my hand to hold in public.

"Student loans: A crisis in waiting"

Looks like I am not alone in the loan/income struggle.  My MSN homepage featured a nicely written, short article about the state of student loans.  And yes, my total loan balance is higher than the average.

Here's the final paragraph:

""Unless students limit their debt burdens, choose fields of study that are in demand, and successfully complete their degrees on time, they will find themselves in worse financial positions and unable to earn the projected income that justified taking out their loans in the first place," Moody’s writes."

That is a LOT for an 18-22 year old to think about!  I know I certainly wasn't thinking of college as an investment that needed a certain amount of returns before being worthwhile.  College was what happened after high school.  You go to college for an education and experience life on your own.  And if a private school offers you scholarships and feels like a good place to call home for 4 years, that's all there is to it.

Sure, I could have majored in healthcare or engineering.  But I'm not sure I would have been successful in either area.  My passion is for people, particularly low-income families and education for all.  There just isn't money in working with kids.  They aren't yet producers and there will just never be money in working with people who don't have a lot.

See the whole article by following the link below:

http://money.msn.com/saving-money/article.aspx?post=557c0396-01c7-426b-8438-976aac650f27

Money Diet Fail

You know those nights, where it is 11pm and you're starving and the only thing in the fridge is Greek yogurt or Hormel pepperoni?

This was me last night - I'm starrrrving!  I want cheeeeeese!  I tried microwaving some frozen veggies, but without cream cheese or provel cheese or any meat to be had in the house (hmm didn't consider frozen veggies and pepperoni. . . maybe next night of desperation).  I didn't have time to run to the grocery store before it closed because of an assignment I had put off which was due at midnight.  And let's be honest, I didn't feel like going back in the car and out. 

Soooo I ordered a pizza.  and not any discount pizza.  name-brand-$15-bc-I-like-multiple-toppings pizza.   Proud of myself for not getting the 2 liter soda to go along with it.  So angry with myself for such a lame move.  

I really do not have this whole eating on a budget idea down.  Know that I make terrible decisions when underfed.  Need guru.  And need to crave yogurt before it goes bad.  I'm thinking yogurt for lunch tomorrow!  With a side of pepperoni.  Get psyched tastebuds, it's gonna be interesting.

At least I have some leftover pizza for tonight ;)