Crazy Girl

This post is being written while I listen to "Crazy Girl" by the Eli Young Band.  (Click the post title for a link to the video)

Every once in a while (let's call it once a moon), I definitely find myself crazy.  I'm angsty and worried.  I can't stop thinking about things that I can't control.  In particular, I'm worried about the feelings my significant other has for me.  I know, objectively, that he enjoys spending time with me and cares for me deeply.  I see evidence of this fact in our daily phone calls, our weekend adventures.

The problem is, he isn't emotionally expressive.  We've talked about our relationship a few times; I've seen him struggle putting his feelings into words.  So I understand that I'm going to have to trust that he cares for me if he doesn't outright say it.  But what I wouldn't I give for him to say the lyrics of "Crazy Girl?" 

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?

I mean, obviously, I would analyze the diminutives that the band uses when referring to the "girl" or "silly woman."  But I can relate to both wanting an outright expression of love, and realizing that my sig. other's actions show that he cares about me like crazy.

But today, I'm just worried.  Does he like me enough?  Am I a priority in his life?  Where do I fit into his future?  I've had guys talk about the future gratuitously, and I've received a few meaningless drunk "I love yous."  And those relationships have all ended.  So I know that words can be used without meaning.  And his actions certainly say what other guys' words have not.

Yet, today, my mind refuses to calm.  And I know I have to be careful and not act completely crazy.  But this is definitely the phase of the moon where I have less control over my feelings.  I could use an outright declaration, a statement of devotion, a reassurance in words which can hold stronger in my mind than memories of reaching for my hand to hold in public.