Looking Back

While I have done a better job tracking my money and payments over the last year, I have not made an actual dent in the amount of money I owe on my credit cards. . . .

I'm not terribly surprised.  I've been trying to keep up with my regular standard of living - one that was established back when I was living at home with two working parents providing everything for me.  Yes, I still feel like I have access to the wealth we had when I was 10 years old.  My income always drops slightly for November and December while my consumer shopping impulses rise dramatically.

Thanks commercials.

So, while I am wearing a really cuuu-uuute sweater that was 40% off, I'm freaking out about how to pay my utilities for the first time.  I've always been able to get rent and utilities taken care of by the 5th (or 6th) of the month.  The cashflow has just been really stunted on the in-flow while still moveing freely on the outflow.  And I still really want a pair of brown flats. . . .

I think secretly, I still believe in prince charming or a fairy godmother to make the past go away.  Or the magical lottery ticket that I never buy but I will win the lottery anyway.  Obviously, this psychosis needs to be dealt with before financial health will come my way.  Because I fool myself into thinking I'm living frugally but then spend more than I make on a regular basis.  No more making fun of people with massive credit card debt.  Because I am that people.

Eggs and Eggs

Some of my negative feelings are stemming from the fact that I am a) poor b) lumpy.

Seriously, have a credit card problem.  Spent $455.81 in the last few weeks.  Legitimate trips to the grocery store?  Gasoline?  sure.  but also going out and dining out, and not letting boyfriend spoil me when we go out with my family (pride? or just not the same as a date?  not sure but has a negative impact on my financial health.  no more wine bars, MOM!)

Seriously, have a physical fitness/appearance problem.  Was photographed in a t-shirt and workout shorts on mother's day.  Wearing a fitted shirt today.  Serious lumps/rolls/extra flesh I don't want underneath revealed by photos and even the mirror!

So, how do I keep eating?  Bc food is costly AND necessary.  So eggs it is.  I already have about 2 dozen (bc of an easter miscommunication).  Can a girl be malnourished if eggs become her protein for every single meal for 2 weeks?  Or will my body simply eat my fat as hoped for?  and my credit card balances not rise?

I can get creative with canned tuna and tomatoes and other veggies.  Also, I have 4 different types of cheese in my fridge (mostly processed enough to never spoil  oops). 

Soo . . . . challenge accepted!!

I plan on viewing this as positive news

I've been doing a fairly good job of sticking to just using my debit card for purchases the past month.  For the entire month of February, I put most of my fast food meals and caffeinated beverages on the one account - sticking to a cash basis for to prevent massive interest on massive credit cards.

A good idea, especially since I can add up all the expenditures easily from one, wait, two, oh, FOUR screens of transactions?!?  My purchases of less than $10 at a time came all the way up to $184.85.  This does not include gas or food bought at grocery stores (bc those are necessary-est).  So the 1.74 at the gas station for a soda and chips, the 7.78 at Starbucks for Coffee and yummy egg sandwich, they add up. 

So the good news is, I can save at LEAST $100 a month by buying cheaper items at the grocery store to feed myself!  Excellent news!  Bc a full carton of 18 eggs is 2.50ish and that can last me for 9 breakfasts!

Go to it, superwoman!  Make your own d**n breakfast!  Side bonus: potential weight loss from cutting out nasty salt and extra fats (that make take-out/fast food so delish)

Feb is an ideal month bc it is an even four weeks - my average weekly extra spending was $46.21.  Uhm, that is kind of sickening.  I don't like it, so please hold my hand while I change my lifestyle up a bit.

Final thought - elimination of one of my student loan payments has left me with $280 dollars of cushion in my bank account!  I will decide what to best do with cushion.  Most likely, I will pay it towards the 29% credit card. . .

Scheduling Difficulties

So I've set up my 4 student loans to come due at different times of the month - especially important to balance out from my rent payment and car insurance payment.

Currently we've got

Loan #1 the 1st of the month
Loan #2 the 14th of the month
Loan #3 the 21st of the month
Loan #4 idk - only been paying this one for a month

Soooo essentially, making this many separate payments each month makes me internally feel as though I've got the loans for each month covered.  Until I call in to make a payment and find out the amount is 2x or 3x what I expected - meaning the due date has passed and they want multi payments now!

I'm crying inside thinking about all of it.  I've signed up for so many "paperless statements" that I don't know where the information about payments is kept.  Each website has separate requirements for passwords and usernames, and I'm absolutely sick of technology - especially since my money is only ever numbers on a screen.

At least, my new excel spreadsheet should help me track payments more easily.  But writing it into a spreadsheet is not going to help me get money in the bank to back these scheduled payments. 

I just want to get to a place where I can DECIDE where my money goes!  I am sending 600ish dollars to student loans each month to pay loans with 4-8% interest when I really WANT to send about 100 bucks to them and $500 extra to my 29% card.  Why wouldn't that work, student loan people? 

Breaking Point - Crying

I am on the phone with a nice person stuck working for CitiBank.  I foolishly paid my bill 3 days late Nov 2009 and am now in the default rate of 29.99%.   I take full responsibility for this, and attempt to use this card as little as possible.  I did not carry a balance on the card from Nov 2009 to July 2010. 

But my sister turned 21 in Las Vegas.  My other sister got married this fall.  I have a car that's kinda expensive to maintain (read, fuel pump broke this summer).  My other credit cards are at their maxed out limits.  I have spent almost $2000.00 on this card, ridiculous rate and all!  So I am on the phone with CitiBank almost every other month, just checking to see if my awesome timely payments, and great 6 year history with the company mean I can lower the interest rate.  I was told in August that if I call back after October 15th, they may be able to remove the penalty rate.

Guess what folks?  The 29.99% is not a penalty rate.  It is my standard rate now.  I could have "opted out" and closed the account.  Is that really an option?  This ONE CARD has a credit limit of my other THREE CARDS combined!  Isn't that credit rating suicide? 

The poor customer service employee made me cry.  She was nice, but the policies suck.  I am paying out the ass for charges that may have been on coffee, toilet paper, gas.  Everyday stuff that I couldn't afford to pay for with cash, because my cash is going to rent, student loans, insurance, and utilities.

Now I am a smart person.  I have access to an adding machine and excel spreadsheets.  I know that I am spending beyond my means. 

I don't want to be that sad story of someone with $7388.62 in credit card debt.  That's an identity I don't want to take on, and it makes me feel trapped.  

Currently, my fixed expenses add up to $1620.92 (minimum payments, student loans, rent, utilities, car insurance, car payment).  That leaves me negative 20 bucks to spend on food each month. 

So it is time to cut back drastically.  Cash in my savings bonds.  See what I can sell.  Work overtime. 

And write about everything here - so that my emotions don't sabotage me.